I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
