Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
