I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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