i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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