It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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