? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
