Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
