Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
