she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
