Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
please come you make the beer taste better
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
