i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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