When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
