Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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