My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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