So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
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Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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