did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
