We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
