does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
where are you?
Hypothermia
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
