Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
where are you?
Hypothermia
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
