I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
