i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
