the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
