Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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