Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
