trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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