she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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