What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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