hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
