I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
