Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
did i walk over a car last night?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
