I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
