when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
