maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
