Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize