I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
