4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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