Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
