Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
