You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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