im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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