I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
