I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
