Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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