Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
