I skipped work to stalk him.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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