last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
