he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
