just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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