So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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