I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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