It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
