the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
