i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
