theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
