i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
