Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
