ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
