No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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