Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
