How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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