i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
