Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
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Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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