Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize