The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
