I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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