so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize