one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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