3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
