I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
