My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
