We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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