Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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